Author Topic: little story (Read 11051 times)

FGFG · « **on:** January 05, 2009, 06:53:50 AM »

I know that in this category we should speak about Universe Sandbox, but i want still post here this short sci-fi story i wrote (I've first wrote it in italian, and than traducted myself in english with the help of google translator and a dictionary. Don't expect such a good phrases quality; however the text is simple)

I've posted it here because i've used Universe Sandbox a couple of time too

I have to thank you Thot: I've used your idea of habitable zone one time (not fondamental however)

P.s. The file is a simple word text, but scan it for security!!

EDIT: New version of Protocol (new gamma phase)

dreaddraco2 · « **Reply #1 on:** January 05, 2009, 07:02:17 AM »

No bad phrases used at all. If we had a small bit of access too coding (e.g. in Lua). You could make it happen in Universe Sandbox.

FGFG · « **Reply #2 on:** January 05, 2009, 07:14:38 AM »

SPOILER

well the orbit of this "thing" isn't calculated with U.S. I thought it was too difficult

FGFG · « **Reply #3 on:** January 06, 2009, 12:40:27 PM »

however, what do you think of the story?

Thot · « **Reply #4 on:** January 07, 2009, 01:42:06 PM »

OMG I love it

It has a really experimental style and it is very well done. I got goose bumps in the last line. Go on with writing! It just can get better and it's really fun (I know what I am talking about)

greetz Thot the Almighty

FGFG · « **Reply #5 on:** January 08, 2009, 06:03:37 AM »

--------------------
BIT OF SPOILER
--------------------

well, I think that the last "phase" could be much longer...
All the great power of the planet condensed in just 3 lines.....

atomic7732 · « **Reply #6 on:** January 08, 2009, 05:36:04 PM »

I loled at the Earth thing. But Why isn't there 8 planets? Oh... Mercury is no significant mass right?

Dan Dixon · « **Reply #7 on:** January 08, 2009, 08:51:10 PM »

Interesting story format.

I'm glad Universe Sandbox was of use.

FGFG · « **Reply #8 on:** January 08, 2009, 11:49:01 PM »

Quote from: NeutronStar on January 08, 2009, 05:36:04 PM

I loled at the Earth thing.

why?

Terically the thing is alien compared to the Earth.

To build a full planet and make it run in the space there would need a very high technology and industry (so even military aspect).
Earth is not so advanced (if it was probably its name wouldn't be "Earth"; the languages changes with the time)

FGFG · « **Reply #9 on:** January 09, 2009, 04:35:53 PM »

I'm posting some background infos not included in the story (just to explain a bit the story)

Little into:
Those aliens were a pacefull race, so the industrial and medical technology was very very advanced compared to the humanity ones, but not the armaments (they were just 1 hundred years over the humanity technology, maybe a little more)

so...

1) Why the aliens built a whole planet and sent it into space?
Simple: their star was dying, so they decided to built an ark-planet to save the whole population
They understood the star fate thousends of years before the X-moment, so they had got time to build the
ark.

2) Where do they came from?
well...

Quote

...
Database...           serious damage
         Analysis in progress...
           Documents damaged or destroyed:
              Stellar cartography...     totally damaged
...

The travel data was lost
They could have been travelled for some years or for Billions of years... We don't know

3) why all those aliens was hibernated?
Travelling in space need energy, so hybernating people will reduce the energy need (recycle atmosphere
and worm it, food, ...). Hybernating all people, all the systems can be switched off excluding the gravity
acceleration sensor (if the value get over a predetermined one it means that the planet is probably getting
closer to a star system or a heavy object (then the A.I. is activated and makes some predetermined
decisions)

4) Why all the aliens MUST destroy the humanity ALL THE TIMES?!?!?!?!?!?
Honestly, i don't know why all the times, but here...
They need a new pacefull home, and humanity is famous for his bellic nature... the consequense is clear...

If you want more explanations just ask and i will try to answer

Quote from: NeutronStar on January 08, 2009, 05:36:04 PM

But Why isn't there 8 planets? Oh... Mercury is no significant mass right?

Exactly

and to create some confusing while reading the story... If not there wouldn't be any end surprise

P.s. New more detailed Gamma phase incoming to make all men's hearts full of FEAR....

atomic7732 · « **Reply #10 on:** January 09, 2009, 06:41:12 PM »

I added to your thing and stuff. Can I put it up. I will give credit to you

BASIS: FGFG
EDITED BY: NeutronStar

FGFG · « **Reply #11 on:** January 10, 2009, 03:50:00 AM »

well, i don't want to make the story too long ( i think that it has a boring language...) however you can post it

I was thinking to write a short novel based it (something like 30 - 40 pages)

atomic7732 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 10, 2009, 10:07:16 AM »

Its just 5 pages.

FGFG · « **Reply #13 on:** January 10, 2009, 01:22:23 PM »

sry, can you post a .doc file? I can't open .docx

atomic7732 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 10, 2009, 01:39:08 PM »

okay, sorry.

FGFG · « **Reply #15 on:** January 10, 2009, 02:29:40 PM »

I've read and , sry, but i didn't like the changes so much $:-\$
(However is well written it's just a question of fit with the background and suspance)

1) The new objects classification is good, but i didn't include Mercury (and so the smaller objects) in order to confuse readers and not make them thinking it was the solar system (it is a strange coincidence that there are 4 gaseous planets and 5 rocky in that system)

2)

Quote

New space measurement unit: average distance Object 6 - Object 0
Measurement unit name: D3

Can you explain me why you chosed Object 6? I choosed Object 1 because it was the most massive in the system, after object 0 (I thought that an A.I. would choose the most important values; however it's just an opinion). Please explain your point, it may be a good choise

3)

Quote

Creating New File: C:\Systems\Data\ Measurements\New System

Saving to C:\Systems\Data\ Measurements\New System\Distance

I MUST congratulate with Bill Gates!!! He managed to sell Windows to an alien ark-planet, where all people was hybernated, and he was able to make them install it too!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!! And we don't know why he is the richest man in the world...

However
Sry, but this don't fit with the story at all
It is an alien A.I. , made handrend or thousends of years ago...

Quote

Analysis completed:
      2309 signals of not random origin detected
      Origin: Object 5
      Sentient civilization presence confirmed

I've set the story some years in the future, so the segnals come from Mars too (but you didn't know this

)

4) (last)

Quote

Alien database system analysis in progress...
Searching interstellar database...
   Object 1: planet Jupiter
   Object 2: planet Saturn
   Object 3: planet Uranus
   Object 4: planet Neptune
   Object 5: planet Earth
   Object 6: planet Venus
   Object 7: planet Mars
   Object 8: moon of Earth Luna
   Object 9: moon of Jupiter Ganymede
   Object 10: moon of Saturn Titan
   Object 11: moon of Jupiter Callisto
   Object 12: planet Mercury
   Object 13: dwarf planet Eris
   Object 14: dwarf planet Pluto
Alien database system in progress...
   Object 5 name: Earth

Downloading all information...
   Orbital information...
   Physical characteristics...
   Other information...
   Sentient species information...

Saving to: C:\Systems\Data\Information\Sol

I've leaft as the last line "Object 5 name: Earth" to let the readers imagine what will come later (and have a little scare...)

The alien race was peacefull so it don't have too advanced weapons ==> Interplanetary war

The first object was the 5th because there was the new dangerous "alien" race on it

However, sry if i looked too harsh; it wasn't my intention

FGFG · « **Reply #16 on:** January 10, 2009, 03:07:40 PM »

I've updated Protocol: now there is a new Gamma phase

(link on the first post)

atomic7732 · « **Reply #17 on:** January 10, 2009, 11:00:19 PM »

SPOILER (SOMEWHAT)

I just didn't knwo why you chose Object 1 (Jupiter) Then went on saying Jupiter was in the habitable zone.
I chose something else to make it easier for me to calculate somewhat right.

Dan Dixon · « **Reply #18 on:** January 19, 2009, 07:31:05 PM »

I was thinking that it might be unlikely that an alien species would even categorize planets in the same way we do.

They might be more inclined to just list the largest bodies in the solar system (which would include Io, Ganymede, Titan, Callisto, Europe, & our Moon).

Open "Our Solar System - moons & named asteroids". Then open the control panel (right click) and select "Chart Mode" under System Commands. This shows all the planet in order, you can right click again to change the order from Mass to Diameter or even to Velocity.

Anyway... Just a thought.

FGFG · « **Reply #19 on:** January 20, 2009, 08:30:22 AM »

it's an interesting thought howrver

Well they could be classified using resources as meter

e.g. Gaseous for fuel (just for fusion reactors) and rocky for other rare materials

But it could be a secondary classification... don't know very well

osezno_ · « **Reply #20 on:** January 20, 2009, 12:56:42 PM »

If we assume life isn't too different from the life we know (p.e. based on carbon, water, etc) then there would be a quite narrow definition of what a "habitable" planet would be. Nor only temperature, but size, eccentricity, incoming radiation, composition... under some definitions (see "rare earth hypothesis) would need more restricted definitions (e.g. having a large moon to (i) protect us from life-destroying asteroid and (ii) to induce tides in the planet). As we can suppose a civilization with sufficient technology for interstellar travel would know this, it is VERY likely they would target our planet first should they be targeting life.

I buy into the idea of classifying the planets based on the resources they can provide: materials (in the crust) or some sort of energy they could (with an unknown to us technology) extract, such us volcanic activity, presence of a magnetic field, etc

Another twist to the story would be that the flying saucer is actually a "sentinel" i.e. a probe sent out to look on a planet with potential for intelligent life, you that, when certain conditions occur (say, a radio transmission, an extra-planetary launch, ...) it would send a signal to its owner (a sort of beacon saying: "warming, intelligent life is developing here"). The only problem with this idea is thar Arthur C Clarke already had it in a novel called "the sentinel", which is the seed from which "2001: A space odyssey" arises.

Very interesting idea, in any case.

Regards

Osezno_

FGFG · « **Reply #21 on:** January 20, 2009, 01:26:57 PM »

Quote from: osezno_

I buy into the idea of classifying the planets based on the resources they can provide: materials (in the crust) or some sort of energy they could (with an unknown to us technology) extract, such us volcanic activity, presence of a magnetic field, etc

Exacltly what i meant (but with better words

)

Quote from: osezno_

Another twist to the story would be that the flying saucer is actually a "sentinel" i.e. a probe sent out to look on a planet with potential for intelligent life, you that, when certain conditions occur (say, a radio transmission, an extra-planetary launch, ...) it would send a signal to its owner (a sort of beacon saying: "warming, intelligent life is developing here"). The only problem with this idea is thar Arthur C Clarke already had it in a novel called "the sentinel", which is the seed from which "2001: A space odyssey" arises.

[background infos] Well this is a very big ship planet-shaped; about as heavy as the moon (with Gravity generators while aliens are awake. They live with 1.4 - 1.6 G

P.s. For more background infos or questions just ask

Quote from: osezno_

Very interesting idea, in any case.

thank you